Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
