No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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