It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
