Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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