he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
