Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
