The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
