He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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