There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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