I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
