i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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