I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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