I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
