New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Still dying that you shit outside
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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