its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
