let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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