I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
