You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
