I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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