i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
