ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
