lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
