also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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