I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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