I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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