You were right. It hurts to walk today.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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