Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize