Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
