Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
