I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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