Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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