i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
