So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
