been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
