i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
