the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
