there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
