you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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