i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and she was petting her beer can
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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