Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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