He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
