I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
