Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
