Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
