its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
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