I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize