Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
