I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
