I want to make a zoo with you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
