$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize