i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
