Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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