there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
