omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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