I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
