OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
