Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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