I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
