I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
