I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
