OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize