I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
