Is it because I queefed?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
