$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's Friday. Sex?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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