dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
time to smoke my breakfast
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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