OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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