i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize