I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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