Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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