We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
