her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize