I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
