I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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