You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize