we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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